Waiting for Kyle...

We are back at Doernbecher, waiting to find out if Kyle's laryngeal cleft repair held. Because his wound is in his airway, he is sedated, back in the operating room. I don't know if Kyle remembers being here 3 weeks ago, but he was unhappy as soon as we went to the pre-op room...

Kyle's surgeon just came out and said that his repair looks great! He is waking up from anesthesia and they will attempt a swallow study today. That is where they try to feed him food or liquids with barium (tasty!) and x-ray him while he swallows to see how his swallowing mechanism works. We didn't expect to do this until end of January, but we are thrilled Kyle is moving along on his journey!

Here's a picture of Kyle on Christmas Eve wrestling his new crocodile cuddleuppet (courtesy of his sweet cousin). He loves it!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

We've been back home for about a week. The fear that followed me when we first came home has dissipated. Kyle's breathing is back to normal and he no longer has any stridorous episodes.

Here two pre-op pictures of Kyle in his styling hospital gown. 

 

I love this picture. The first almost 24 hours after surgery, Kyle was very disoriented and confused. We held, rocked, and sang to him, but he didn't seem to find comfort in our presence. I'm pretty sure the anesthesia was still doing its dirty work. The next morning, he woke and had his sparkling personality back. 

  

 We've seen improvement of his vocal cord function as he heals, but the reflux is still voluminous. Every medical person I've talked to has said he will naturally grow out of it, but we're past the point where I find it acceptable. I finally contacted a friend who does food intolerance testing and asked if she thought Kyle could benefit. His reactive list is extensive, and now I am on a strict elimination diet to see if we can get his system to calm down. For now, I'm off gluten, corn, quinoa, oats, turkey, pork, broccoli, asparagus, white potatoes, grapes, apples, garbanzo beans, etc. As you can see, this means no more Oreos. So, my oreo/joe-joe habit is now broken. I have high hopes for this because I don't want the medical field's alternative: a surgery to wrap the top of his stomach around the bottom of his esophagus to make it physically impossible to vomit. We aren't too that point yet, but the surgery keeps getting mentioned. I'd rather avoid an extra trip to the OR. 

We're in another brief holding pattern while his airway heals. December 28 we go back to the OR, so his surgeon can sedate him and get a good look at his repair. At that point, we should know if the repair worked. If it did, we will schedule a swallow study around the end of January to find his baseline function and put together an "introduction to foods" plan.

December 15

I've spent the last week reflecting on where our family was one year ago. I see myself chowing on a box of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's. I remember trying to figure out how to make a silhouette in photoshop for teacher gifts. I hear myself promising Blake over and over again that I would get his birthday cake made. I spent my evening at a meeting trying to map out the next month for the kids at church. I came home way too late and crashed into bed. The next thing I knew I started the wildest ride that I've ever been on.

This year, I woke up and got to go downstairs in my own house and hug the sweetest birthday boy. I saw his glee as he opened his birthday presents, and I heard him tell me I was the best mom ever when he saw the birthday cake I made him. It didn't happen last year, but there was nothing that would stop me from making his Special Agent Oso cake.

His cousins joined us at Chuck E. Cheese and he got his Bucky toy that he's asked for over the last two months.

I am so grateful that I could be there this year. Blake is fun. He is sweet, and he is learning so much every day. At 4, his favorite food is french toast with buttermilk syrup. He loves Carolyn so much, and he is constantly singing, "Stop! Collaborate and listen! Kyle's back with a whole new edition!" It's awesome.

Happy birthday, Blake!

Getting close

Kyle's back in big boy clothes. He's eating full feeding amounts. He wants to cheese for the camera. This all adds up to a hospital discharge!

We are waiting on paperwork, etc., but his surgeon has cleared him to go home.

End of day 2

I guess it isn't really the end of the day, but it feels like it should be. Jeremy and I decided that we should alternate who stays with Kyle. Last night I got to stay. Kyle had two more episodes where he got really mad and his oxygen levels dropped. They turned on the oxygen and tried to calm him. The first time they suctioned secretions out of his throat; and, the second time he stayed mad until he got some morphine. Since 5 am, he's been on room air. There's been a time or two where his levels dropped, but he was able to recover on his own.

We didn't start any milk yesterday. Because he was still having problems, we wanted to hold off as long as possible. He had IV fluids and was content without milk. Around noon today, we gave him 2.5 ounces of milk over two hours (opposed to his usual 5 ounces over an hour). He did really well with that and was given permission to leave the PICU.

We are still here though. They don't have any beds on the other unit, so we are just chilling. Dr. Milczuk says once we get him up to full feeds, he will discharge Kyle. I would love to have him home, but , man, it makes me nervous. His little voice has changed and the tenor of his breathing is different post-op. This is all to be expected because they modified his anatomy, but it makes him feel a little bit foreign to me. It is just another transition phase, and we will get the hang of it soon enough.

Right now Jeremy and I get to spend more time together than we have in a long time. I like it.

I miss these kids

We're getting some smiles!

Doing better...

Kyle is doing much better than earlier in the afternoon. He is doing better with his oxygen and taking his pacifier. He came out of surgery with a really dry mouth (he was intubated for the first part) and didn't want his pacifier. I am so glad he has it now though. It's helped his crying spells be shorter and that helps his oxygen.

He still has all the other cords: IV, blood pressure, heart rate monitor, oxygen monitor. This makes him very difficult to hold, but the snuggles are so worth it. I love his little hand gripping Jeremy's shirt.

They are going to attempt to start a very slow drip (5 mL/hour) of breastmilk and see if he tolerates a little food in his belly.

And they have pediatric coban! What's cuter than a blue camouflage foot?

In the PICU

We are out of surgery and settled in Kyle's room in the PICU.

Dr. Milczuk said that Kyle's repair was difficult because the workspace was small, but he felt good about it when he finished.

We waited a long time before they called us back to see Kyle. When we saw him, he was struggling to keep his oxygen levels up. There was a lot of crying and not enough breathing. He stabilized well enough to leave the recovery room.

Now we are just trying to manage his pain while the anesthesia wears off. The poor kid is disoriented and uncomfortable, but he is doing well.

On the eve of surgery

I never meant for my blog to be dormant for so long.

I have a lot of pictures backlogged that I kept thinking I would get posted. It's not going to happen.

But, I reactivated because I really regret not keeping a more complete journal of our time as a family these last 10.5 months. We have a big step coming up tomorrow: Kyle's repair surgery.

I am nervous. We've been in this holding pattern, and tomorrow starts our journey. All this mess with the g-tube is in between stuff. The real goal is not to learn to manage that well (which I think I have) but to teach Kyle to eat. I pray that tomorrow Kyle's surgeons' hand are steady and sure as they operate.

We expect to be in the hospital with him for 3-5 days. I don't know what to expect with a crawling baby in the hospital. Last time we were there, I could spend 6 hours in the hospital and get maybe 5-10 minutes of eye contact. Now...well, now this kid can hardly hold still. He wants to look and go and see.

I will do my best to update on the blog as we go. I know that a lot of people have offered prayers for Kyle and our family over the last year. We appreciate every single one.

Road trip!

Today was supposed to be Kyle's big debut at church. We would have our entire family at church for the first time since mid-December. But plans changed, and we braved a trip to Olympia to see my grandparents.

We did some maneuvering to get the driving in around Kyle's feeds and the time he has to be held upright, but we made it. In fact, it went astonishingly well.

 We were able to introduce Kyle to my Grandma

 And to my Grandpa...

 

 This is my favorite picture. Of course, it is blurry, but that kiss was too precious to miss.

The other kids got in some good snuggle time too!

The big news around our house is not what has come in, but what has gone out. Our bookcase has a nice empty spot on top of it right now.

This nice little machine used to sit there. This was Kyle's pulse oximeter that we hooked him up to every night to make sure his reflux, of which there was plenty, did not enter his lungs. Or, at least didn't do so enough to impair his oxygen.

When we first brought Kyle home, I relied on this machine to make me feel like I was doing enough to keep my baby safe. I cursed it at times when the alarms would go off because of a bad read. Some nights it felt like I could hardly sleep because of it. I knew that without it, I would also hardly sleep out of worry though. It gave me peace of mind when little else did. As Kyle grew older, his reflux didn't cause his oxygen levels to decrease as much, and, because of the machine, we knew that his oxygen always rebounded as soon as he worked the spit up out. The machine now only beeped at us when it was malfunctioning. Our insurance authorization was about to expire a few weeks back when the probes quit working. It was around midnight, and we didn't have a backup, so we went to sleep without the machine on.  A few days later we called our home health supplier and asked them to pick it up.

It was so nice to be sending medical equipment out the door never to be seen again.

The other item we've removed from our life is this:

Kyle's food no longer has to be fortified to increase the calories. He is on straight mama's milk and doing well. In fact, the little man has tripled his birth weight!

Sunday evening entertainment

Got Milk?

Shortly before Kyle was discharged from the NICU, Jeremy and I went freezer shopping. We had discussed purchasing a freezer to put in our garage for well over two years. We always decided it could wait, but with needing somewhere to store extra breast milk, it tipped a freezer purchase from the "luxury" category to the "necessity" category.

Jeremy immediately started making plans for freezer meals and purchasing a quarter of a cow from a local farm. I told him he needed to slow his roll.

This is what our freezer looks like:

That isn't 100% milk, underneath somewhere is a freezer meal or two. Other than that, it is all milk.

We are storing milk in preparation for when I stop pumping. Because Kyle's surgery is tentatively scheduled for around one year, I am not sure what he will need for nutrition. Will he take to eating relatively easily, or will we have a very long road ahead of us? I do plan on him having his tube for a long time, but the tube stays in for awhile to help with liquids and hydration even after the child can take most of their nutrition orally. I don't see the point of pumping for a year and then having to start formula because he needed a few more months of a liquid diet. So, we have a 14.7 cu.ft freezer almost completely full of breast milk.

Obviously, all this milk won't be good when he'll need it, so I have been rotating the milk out by donating to the Mother's Milk Bank based out of Denver. They take my milk, mix it with other donor milk, pasteurize it, and then mail it out to NICUs to feed the preemie babies whose moms don't have an established supply yet. The screening system to sign up for being a donor is quite thorough. The questionnaire was long and they drew blood to screen for disease. I am happy to donate my milk because I know I appreciated Kyle receiving donor milk the first few days he was in the hospital. And if I am going through all the work of pumping, I want my milk to be useful to someone.

Let's be honest though, the real draw of pumping is the freedom it gives me to eat double burgers from Burgerville and oreos all the time.

Bath time

This video makes me happy. It shows how far we've come since we brought Kyle home from the hospital. The first few baths we gave Kyle were quite complicated. He was relatively fresh from his surgery and hated being naked. Kyle had a longer tube that was permanently attached to his little body. The surgeon told us to always keep it stabilized so the tract into his belly would heal properly. When Kyle was dressed, we had it safety pinned to his diaper, but, when naked, the weight of the port would tug down on his belly. Jeremy would stabilize the tube on a wiggling and screaming Kyle while I tried to hurry and wash his little body. I remember being so proud of myself when I successfully bathed Kyle solo for the first time. Swapping out the long tube for the button made baths much easier. Also, Kyle grew calmer during bath time and now he loves it...until we take his naked body out of the warm water. He squeals until we wrap him up all warm in his towel.